


Nepeta Cataria

by Corvid_Knight



Series: Demonstuck [48]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Demonstuck, Gen, Non-Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drug Use, can someone please help D
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-27 13:04:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19013473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvid_Knight/pseuds/Corvid_Knight
Summary: D walks in on a somewhat concerning experiment Sollux is running on Davepeta.





	Nepeta Cataria

It's somewhat unfortunate that you've reached the point in your life at which coming into the kitchen to find a half-demon smoking weed with a chimera isn't a cause for alarm. Hell, this isn't even really _surprising_ anymore, just...baffling. 

"Hey, Sollux? Yeah, what the fuck?" 

"We're working on thomething." The lil' shit doesn't even look up at you, too focused on Davepeta's current progress with their, uh...current activity. Thank fuck Sollux had enough sense to open the window, otherwise you'd have to declare this room off limits until you figured out how to air it out. "Did you know they're immune to caffeine?" 

"Trust me, Davepeta ain't immune to caffeine." How much damage will you do if you just slam your head against the wall a couple dozen times? More importantly, would it piss off the house? Probably. You guess you won't do it. "How much caffeine did you—" 

"A teaspoon full," Davepeta chirps. (They're no longer holding anything, you note as they grin at you. What the fuck did they do with that half-smoked blunt.) "Tasted awful, in case you're wondering. Looked kinda like sugar, though!" 

"Yeah, ED buyth powdered caffeine to mikth in hith tea. They reacted to the sugar you mikth in your coffee, not the caffeine itthelf. I'm guething that'th 'cauthe caffeine ith technically a tokthin?" Sollux shrugs, tipping his chair back and giving Davepeta a dirty look. "...hey." 

They obviously know exactly what he's calling them out for, even if you don't; that kind of sweetly innocent smile always means they're up to something. "Mhm." 

"Ith it worth it to tell you to thpit it out?" 

"Nope! Too late!" The chimera laughs, leaning forward to start poking the neat rows of items Sollux has lined up on the counter. "What next? Can we _please_ do something sweeter this time, I'm gonna fureaking puke if you give me another mouthful of bitter yuck..." 

It is with considerable disquiet that you note that at least four of the remaining items in Sollux's collection are baggies of what look like sugar. Even assuming that one is the powdered caffeine, you _really_ don't like the possible implications. "Captor?" 

"Yeth, Thtrider?"

"If you give my kid heroin or amphetamines or whatever, I'm gonna stab you." 

It's a sincere threat, and you know Sollux realizes that. All he does is tip his chair a little further past the point of no return, tiny reddish-bluish lightning flickering both around it and around the baggie that's floating towards Davesprite, as he gives you a devilish upside-down smile. "Relakth. We already did thimulantth; we're on the other thide of the thpectrum now." 

"Which _sucks_ , because these do even less than the other stuff." Davepeta rolls their eyes, ears flicking back as they fumble with the baggie; the thought that you should probably stop them occurs to you about half a second before they pop the three or four pills inside into their mouth. 

"Davepeta, don't—" 

Yeah you're totally too late. Sollux waves impatiently at you as you open your mouth again; if his psionics hadn't sealed your mouth shut with that motion, you'd probably be chewing him out for that. As it is, all you can really do is make muffledly furious noises and join him in watching Davepeta. 

Their pupils dilate for a couple seconds. Like, get fuckin' _huge_ , swallowing up more orange-and-green than fear or darkness or fatigue can manage, enough that those stupid horror movies about demon possession that John and Dave keep marathoning pop into your mind. 

Then Davepeta blinks, and everything's back to normal again. "That was nice." 

"...peyote ith 'nithe. '" Sollux shakes his head and types a note into his phone. "Got it." 

"You gave my kid _peyote_?" Okay, it's sword time. Where are the swords. "God fucking dammit, Sollux—" 

"D, look." The half-demon slides another baggie across the table to Davepeta, then turns to face you, all the cynical amusement fading from his face. "I planned thith shit out before I athked if DP wanted to let me run thith tetht. Almotht everything here is thtuff I uthed to—uh, thtuff I've taken mythelf—" 

"You can say you used them to try to kill yourself." Davepeta's voice is softer than usual as they say that, something that's not quite a croon and not quite a purr in it. "Like, if you don't wanna say it, fine, but I'm not a fucking idiot." 

Sollux's mismatched eyes flick from you to Davepeta and back again. Then he shrugs. "Hey, motht timeth I keep my mouth shut about that around kidth, ith all." 

"Yeah, but I'm a necromancer and you have, like, a gazillion of your own deaths hanging around you, so..." Davepeta holds up another baggie, this one full of what looks a lot like more weed. "Can I eat this one?" 

" _No_." 

"Fuck'th thake, D." Sollux glances at the bag and makes a face. "That'th not even drugth, knock yourthelf out. Anyway, I've tethted everything on mythelf; thethe dothes are twithe the effective dothe for _me_ , which ith nowhere near the fatal dothe for anyone DP's size." 

Huh. You're still not totally at ease with this, but... "...alright, I guess. No more smoking shit inside, though; we got kids who _aren't_ immune to everything. Uh, Davepeta _is_ immune to all this, right?" 

"Pretty much." Sollux scrolls down the list on his phone, frowning as he spends a moment scanning it, then looks back up at you. "Tho far we had a mild reaction to a thycoreactive ekthtracted from morning glory, temporary hyperactivity with alcohol ekthposure, and a mild reaction to peyote. Nothing elthe even fathed them." 

You have to puzzle over that last word for a minute before you realize he means _fazed._ Before you can move on to coming up with a reply for the news that Sollux has been feeding your kid beer and hallucinogens for who knows how long, Davepeta interrupts by tipping their chair back and slithering out of it and onto the floor, where they lay in the feathery cushion of their own wings, giggling to themself. 

After a moment of watching them do that, you look back over at Sollux. "Captor." 

He's already anticipated your question, and has the tools necessary to answer it. Namely, the baggie that Davepeta just ate the contents of. "You're going to laugh." 

"I'm gonna kick your ass, is what I'm gonna do—what did you give my kid?"

"Nah, you're really going to laugh." The half-demon leans over and stuffs the empty baggie into your hand; his handwriting is terrible, but you can still make out what it's labeled as. "Like, thith wath in here ath a joke. You _have_ to laugh, at thith point." 

Shit. It really was. "...catnip?"

"Catnip." 

Well, fuck. Nothing to do now but wait to see how long the high lasts, you guess.


End file.
